About The Daughter Journey

To daughters on their own journey toward healing from borderline, narcissistic and emotionally absent mothers, I hope this blog provides relief and connection knowing you are not alone.

My name is Kristin and I am the adult child of an emotionally absent mother. Here is how my journey to that truth began.

After college graduation in 2008, I quickly found a counselor in the new city where I was living. To sum it up, I had a lot of serious mother issues, I was severely depressed and I was in a tumultuous romantic relationship. During session #2 with my counselor, he recommended I read Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. After our session ended, I drove directly to the bookstore and purchased the book.

Understanding the Borderline Mother was a life-changer for me. Every page, every chapter was my life. Every. The beliefs I had about myself, the way my mother treated me growing up, her words and actions and distance and smothering, my moods, her moods, how I lived each day of my life, how I treated people, how I managed my relationships -- it all made sense. Finally, it all made sense. This book was also a mirror and I realized I had been perpetuating what I desperately needed to escape.

The big ah-ha I discovered from reading this book was understanding I deserved love and kindness unconditionally. I was the child and she was the parent. And I will forever be the child and she will forever be the parent. That is our relationship, then and now and tomorrow.

I feverishly read the book in its entirety and then sought out more books about the mother-daughter dynamic. I began journaling as I read each of these books and soon my mountain of childhood memories were attached to a lot of great insights gained from my reading. Writing about my journey was and has been very cathartic. But it soon became more -- an obligation for me to share my story for other daughters with emotionally absent, borderline and narcissistic mothers in hopes of helping them discover their own ah-ha moments which sets them on their own paths toward healing.

Through books, counseling and medication, my emotional and mental health has fluctuated as my inner child has fought to heal. I am still very deep in my daughter journey. To daughters on their own journey toward healing from borderline, narcissistic and emotionally absent mothers, I hope this blog provides relief and connection knowing you are not alone. I'd love to read your comments on your thoughts and any connection you feel to my writing.

The only thing I ask of you is this: Come as you are. Take what you need. Wherever you are, this is a space where you are free to just be.

Love and joy to you,

Kristin

It’s only a matter of time

If I’m going to take this writing to Dreambook level (shout out Briana and Dr. Peter Borten and the Dragontree team!), then I have to find peace in knowing that friends and family may one day come across my blog. That is scary to me. What will they think? Will […]

Today was a sad day

I have no idea what to write about yet I’m crying, for the second time today. Today was a rough day. Mondays I’m supposed to go into the office but I worked from home. I just didn’t have it in me to get up and ready for the day. So […]

My World Awakens

I’m sitting outside listening to the birds chirp their language of life and presence. Something about birds has always intrigued me. Possibly because my great-grandparents had several bird features and even a bird bath! Can you imagine being a kid and watching birds land on this statue-esque structure and clean […]

The Voice of Forgiveness

I recently listened to a guided meditation. There was one meditative point I have not been able to get out of my head. “Whatever you feel, if it brings you to a place – 5-years-old, 20-years-old, wherever you go, tell yourself, “This, too. This, too, needs a voice. This, too, […]

Accept the kindness from your inner self, and share your journey to nourish your mind and body, and yours alone

I am part of a community. A community of writers, and they all remind me of me. I can be myself. It’s still scary, of course. But I’ve opened up to this group of strangers more than I’ve opened up to anyone in my life, husband and counselor included.   […]

The “Good Enough” Self-Talk

Here are my thoughts after reading Nouwen’s imperative titled, Trust Your Friends. “Much of your ability to trust your friends depends on your belief in your own goodness.”  I kept reading these words of Nouwen over and over.  I couldn’t think about anything else in this imperative other than “your […]

When A Soul Awakens: It Begins Not Without Worry

As I walked toward the stable, I noticed how quiet it was.  Literally, there were no noises, just the occasional bird chirping or tree leaves rustling from the wind.  No traffic, no television, and no phone.  I was completely disconnected from the world.  I thought to myself, “This is a […]

Got Anger?

I had a revelation in a counseling session a couple weeks ago. For the first time, my counselor did the EMDR method. It was odd at first but I enjoyed it. She gave me a week to think of a very painful event in my life. In all honesty, I […]

The Other Scarlet Letter

A. A for abortion. This post is about abortion. So, if that is a topic that offends you or you feel strongly about, I’m telling you now: reading my personal opinion may ignite something inside of you. And to an extent, I hope it does. But we’re all adults so […]

P.M. Ponderings

I’m going to try something new. I’m still working on the whole staying consistent thing, so we’ll see how long this lasts. Basically, I’m going to ramble about my thoughts and experiences I’ve had through the day, ruminating thoughts, bouts of depression, sky high anxiety…you know all the good sunshine […]

Birthday Blues

It’s my mother’s birthday on Friday. I never considered her birthday to be a trigger for my childhood trauma, but alas it is. When I say childhood trauma, I’m not referring to physical abuse or sexual abuse, neither of which I have experienced (surprisingly, considering the amount and quality of […]

The Eclipse Edit

My core, whole and good, are both enveloped and set free by the windBirds flying about, chirping their progress of finding a new home before the apparent night fallsI’m sure the bugs are doing something but those can stay far away. Yes, even the lady bugs, however cute. I can’t […]

When A Soul Awakens: It Begins Without Notice

I never thought of horses as more than a pet for country folk.  I wasn’t ever the little girl who asked for a pony for Christmas or my birthday, and I didn’t understand why any girl would.  They smell. My first experience with a pony was at a kiddie amusement park […]

I’m still relevant

I was just re-reading my “About” page, checking for typos and just generally making sure the content is still relevant. And yes, unfortunately it’s still relevant. Why unfortunately? It’s still hard to admit my truth. My truth about my childhood and early adulthood. It hurts to know, to finally understand, […]

Simple Joy Revisited: Progress

I wrote the post below in March 2010. Fifteen years ago. That is just so crazy to me. But…I’m so glad I came across this old blog post. In it I write, I know there will be rough days ahead, but I’ve already made it through some pretty heavy stuff. […]

Adult Children of Parents with BPD

While reading Surviving a Borderline Parent by Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman, PH.D., LCSW, I came across tidbits of information regarding traits, characteristics, behaviors, emotions, etc. of adult children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I’d like to share. “…sons and daughters may feel like they can’t live life independently […]

The “F” Word

I’m talking Family. I’ve never quite felt like I belonged. My biological father left my life soon after I was born and joined the army. I didn’t see him for several years. “Why doesn’t he want me?” I remember crying out to my mother. I had a wallet sized picture […]

Three Decades of Beliefs

You are an older version of your childhood. Your mistakes follow you. The places you want to get away from is where you will always end up. The words someone tells you are true. You are your circumstance. You will not have a life different from the one you have […]

Free Workshop Equals Priceless Revelation

I did an online energy healing workshop yesterday hosted by Briana Borton, founder of The Dragontree (http://thedragontree.com/about/). Yes, yes, to some “energy healing” sounds hokey, and it sounded that way to me years ago. But I do believe we all hold an energy: the energy of our soul, of our […]

Just write something

I told myself after my evening walk I would write something. Anything. So this is it. I’ve been listening to music all day. Work went well. I survived my commute – both ways. I found the motivation to go on a 2-mile walk. God is good. With joy, K

Scroll to Top