About The Daughter Journey
To daughters on their own journey toward healing from borderline, narcissistic and emotionally absent mothers, I hope this blog provides relief and connection knowing you are not alone.
My name is Kristin and I am the adult child of an emotionally absent mother. Here is how my journey to that truth began.
After college graduation in 2008, I quickly found a counselor in the new city where I was living. To sum it up, I had a lot of serious mother issues, I was severely depressed and I was in a tumultuous romantic relationship. During session #2 with my counselor, he recommended I read Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. After our session ended, I drove directly to the bookstore and purchased the book.
Understanding the Borderline Mother was a life-changer for me. Every page, every chapter was my life. Every. The beliefs I had about myself, the way my mother treated me growing up, her words and actions and distance and smothering, my moods, her moods, how I lived each day of my life, how I treated people, how I managed my relationships -- it all made sense. Finally, it all made sense. This book was also a mirror and I realized I had been perpetuating what I desperately needed to escape.
The big ah-ha I discovered from reading this book was understanding I deserved love and kindness unconditionally. I was the child and she was the parent. And I will forever be the child and she will forever be the parent. That is our relationship, then and now and tomorrow.
I feverishly read the book in its entirety and then sought out more books about the mother-daughter dynamic. I began journaling as I read each of these books and soon my mountain of childhood memories were attached to a lot of great insights gained from my reading. Writing about my journey was and has been very cathartic. But it soon became more -- an obligation for me to share my story for other daughters with emotionally absent, borderline and narcissistic mothers in hopes of helping them discover their own ah-ha moments which sets them on their own paths toward healing.
Through books, counseling and medication, my emotional and mental health has fluctuated as my inner child has fought to heal. I am still very deep in my daughter journey. To daughters on their own journey toward healing from borderline, narcissistic and emotionally absent mothers, I hope this blog provides relief and connection knowing you are not alone. I'd love to read your comments on your thoughts and any connection you feel to my writing.
The only thing I ask of you is this: Come as you are. Take what you need. Wherever you are, this is a space where you are free to just be.
Love and joy to you,
Kristin
Ready to Run
I have one little task on my to-do list that I have been putting off…and putting off…..and, well you get the idea. And…surprisingly it’s the one thing that I have been so dedicated to keeping up with – working out…specifically running! Over a decade ago, I was at the 20 […]
Lackluster
Lackluster. That’s the best way to describe how I feel on this leg of the journey of my Rituals for Transformation reading. I say “this leg of the journey” because previously I was feeling great, I noticeably felt well all around. The messages I’m reading are completely flipping the script […]
weeping may endure for a night
The fear of writing the wrong first word…yes, the very first word…fearing that it will be the wrong word that the judges won’t like has held me back from entering writing competitions in the past. I’m not writing to enter the contest. I’m writing to win. So, do I need […]
Laying it out there
I attended an emotionally absent mother (EAM) 6-week course offered by Motherless Daughters Ministry in October with the intention of opening up my space, my heart really. I wanted to bring you on my motherless daughter journey by writing to you about it in real time. But I soon realized […]
Midnight Type: Truths and Troubles
It’s midnight and I can’t sleep. I have a lot on my mind and drugs (prescribed) in my body so I’m just going to ramble. Not every post has to be eloquent, right? My sister is getting married to a man she’s only known 6 months and who has a […]
The Other Scarlet Letter
A. A for abortion. This post is about abortion. So, if that is a topic that offends you or you feel strongly about, I’m telling you now: reading my personal opinion may ignite something inside of you. And to an extent, I hope it does. But we’re all adults so […]
The Core
Traveling back to March 2015 I wasn’t sure what I wanted to blog about, I just knew I wanted to write. So here goes. Reading this blog is kind of neat — it’s like a not-so-secret diary where I can voice my opinions, put my fear into words, type […]
The day my dog saved my life
It was a Monday about 3 years ago. I had a super depressed day, spent all day in bed on Saturday. Did some crying, felt like I wanted to disconnect from everyone in my life. I thought, “After my husband goes to work is the perfect time to hang myself. […]
Sore, Not Soar
“Sometimes you have to find your wings on the way down,” I once heard someone say. Hopeful words if I hadn’t already hit the ground. Where did the problems I was born into end and the ones I created begin? What if it’s all the same, one continuum of a […]
A Lady Named Joyce
I am an avid listener to Joyce Meyer’s audio podcasts of her television and radio programs. Jesus speaks to me so clearly through her messages. And, Joyce Meyer speaks often about her childhood – she came from a horrible, broken place…and through it all she didn’t just survive, but she […]
Peculiar
The thing is there’s nothing particularly interesting or unique about me. I’ve just fucked up a lot of times and I want to share my experiences because maybe someone can relate to what I’m saying. I was thinking just yesterday that alcohol has ended so many relationships that actuallhy had […]
It’s only a matter of time
If I’m going to take this writing to Dreambook level (shout out Briana and Dr. Peter Borten and the Dragontree team!), then I have to find peace in knowing that friends and family may one day come across my blog. That is scary to me. What will they think? Will […]
Freedom in Forgiveness
I haven’t done Rituals for Transformation (RFT) perfectly. I didn’t night journal a couple of nights and my meditation needs more practice. I seriously can close my eyes for a few minutes but then I start getting antsy, my mind wanders and meditation is the last thing on my mind. […]
Simple Joy Revisited: Progress
I wrote the post below in March 2010. Fifteen years ago. That is just so crazy to me. But…I’m so glad I came across this old blog post. In it I write, I know there will be rough days ahead, but I’ve already made it through some pretty heavy stuff. […]
Changing the Course of a Day
The following blog post is exactly why I journal and publish for all to read. I love reading the insight I gained in the exact moment I gained it. Fifteen years ago I felt so lost, as I outline in this blog post. But…I decided to take charge of my […]
What’s the difference?
What makes this section in the pie of my life taste the way it does? Bitterness is sure to be found, then and now, but less back then so it seems. It was sweeter back then too, or again, so it seems. When I’m in a down mood with my […]
Kristin on Ketamine
About two weeks ago I began Ketamine IV therapy for treatment-resistant depression as well as for anxiety and suicidal ideation. Prior to treatment, I was thinking about killing myself every day. I had a plan, I had written my letters to friends and family, I just had to muster up […]
My Mother and Domestic Violence
Writing a Memoir 101, a workshop I’m taking, is helping to strengthen my confidence as a writer and why I am worth reading. The book emphasizes the importance of reading: you cannot be a good author and tell the story you want to tell without being an avid reader. The […]
Lonely Contentment
I feel lonely. I feel lonely and alone in the world. I feel like there is a city bustling outside my walls, laughter and comraderie floating through the air. I have places where I could go and people I could be around. In fact, I’ve received a few invites just […]
May God Have Mercy on Your Soul
These are the words my mother left me with after finding me on Etsy. ETSY! How she found me can only be due to her stalker-rific online behavior. First, she messaged me on Etsy a few times asking about my artwork and if I can customize. I didn’t realize it […]