About The Daughter Journey

To daughters on their own journey toward healing from borderline, narcissistic and emotionally absent mothers, I hope this blog provides relief and connection knowing you are not alone.

My name is Kristin and I am the adult child of an emotionally absent mother. Here is how my journey to that truth began.

After college graduation in 2008, I quickly found a counselor in the new city where I was living. To sum it up, I had a lot of serious mother issues, I was severely depressed and I was in a tumultuous romantic relationship. During session #2 with my counselor, he recommended I read Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. After our session ended, I drove directly to the bookstore and purchased the book.

Understanding the Borderline Mother was a life-changer for me. Every page, every chapter was my life. Every. The beliefs I had about myself, the way my mother treated me growing up, her words and actions and distance and smothering, my moods, her moods, how I lived each day of my life, how I treated people, how I managed my relationships -- it all made sense. Finally, it all made sense. This book was also a mirror and I realized I had been perpetuating what I desperately needed to escape.

The big ah-ha I discovered from reading this book was understanding I deserved love and kindness unconditionally. I was the child and she was the parent. And I will forever be the child and she will forever be the parent. That is our relationship, then and now and tomorrow.

I feverishly read the book in its entirety and then sought out more books about the mother-daughter dynamic. I began journaling as I read each of these books and soon my mountain of childhood memories were attached to a lot of great insights gained from my reading. Writing about my journey was and has been very cathartic. But it soon became more -- an obligation for me to share my story for other daughters with emotionally absent, borderline and narcissistic mothers in hopes of helping them discover their own ah-ha moments which sets them on their own paths toward healing.

Through books, counseling and medication, my emotional and mental health has fluctuated as my inner child has fought to heal. I am still very deep in my daughter journey. To daughters on their own journey toward healing from borderline, narcissistic and emotionally absent mothers, I hope this blog provides relief and connection knowing you are not alone. I'd love to read your comments on your thoughts and any connection you feel to my writing.

The only thing I ask of you is this: Come as you are. Take what you need. Wherever you are, this is a space where you are free to just be.

Love and joy to you,

Kristin

Symptoms of BPD

I’ve done a bit more reading of Surviving a Borderline Parent by Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman , PH.D., LCSW. My last two readings were very interesting. The first of the two seemed like smooth sailing when I began. But I started to feel irritated and a little angry. […]

May God Have Mercy on Your Soul

These are the words my mother left me with after finding me on Etsy. ETSY! How she found me can only be due to her stalker-rific online behavior. First, she messaged me on Etsy a few times asking about my artwork and if I can customize. I didn’t realize it […]

Scrap about It

Since I was a little girl, I’ve loved looking at magazines and cutting out pictures and words that were moving me at the time. I started up this hobby again about 3 years ago. And, I do worry that it’s a little immature to be doing. So I gave it […]

The Eclipse Edit

My core, whole and good, are both enveloped and set free by the windBirds flying about, chirping their progress of finding a new home before the apparent night fallsI’m sure the bugs are doing something but those can stay far away. Yes, even the lady bugs, however cute. I can’t […]

Pretzels Before Pain

“You are just like mom!” my or-so-I-thought-confidante sister yells at me. Says the girl screaming at me because I said she was stressing me out by something she was saying. I don’t even remember what it was about. This same girl, the day before, stormed off from Auntie Anne’s in […]

Midnight Type: Let’s Get the Day Started

So I couldn’t sleep tonight…well yesterday to be exact. So I thought, “Let’s just get the day started. I can blog. I can craft. I can take my Vyvanse.” There. That’s it. The big one. Vyvanse. As I sit here typing to whoever wants to read someone’s sleepless ramblings, this […]

When You Have No Friends

I look around me, and I see no friends. No shopping buddies, coffee dates or spa partners. I have my husband, yes, but every girl needs at least one friend. My friendlessness is due to two main reasons: I sabotaged the relationships I did have, and I isolate myself from […]

RandomRamblings

This post isn’t going to really serve the purpose of much of anything. It’s literally random ramblings I’m having post-EAM class. It is Thursday after all, thus I have the Emotionally Absent Mother class which wrapped up about 45 minutes ago. I’m just kind of sitting with myself, listening to […]

Two birds, one stone

I’m working through Rituals for Transformation: 108 Day Journey to Your Sacred Life. Each day calls for morning and evening meditation followed by journaling. Today I thought, “What if I blogged my meditation writings?” My mind works so much faster than my hand when writing PLUS I’d be sharing my […]

Baby Reservations Swiftly Interrupted

I’m having baby reservations. Last week I was saying that if I never had a child it would be my biggest, most sorrowful regret. But I’m nearing the “now or never” age and I’m finding myself not ready.  I’m still healing emotionally and mentally, my book is underway, and I […]

I’m not good enough – on purpose?

It’s getting really tiring having these discoveries hit me again and again. I am in the season of new beginnings, new blessings, forgiving myself – forgiveness I’m unsure if I’ll ever be able to do. I’m such a shame there’s no way to even come close to forgiveness. What an […]

The 7 Types of Negative Parental Mirrors

I decided to continue on with my reading of Beverly Engel’s Healing Your Emotional Self”.  It’s painful to read.  It brings back many bad memories.  During and after my reading it, I feel uncomfortable, highly anxious, and often experience moments of “spacing out”.  But with all of this pain and […]

New Understanding: The Moment

There are moments in your life where you just “get it”. You suddenly understand life and all it has to offer–all you have to offer. The lightbulb in your soul clicks on for a second and leaves just the same. Here is my account of when I experienced one such […]

Loss

I spent some time with a good friend yesterday, but even this didn’t help. I think it made things worse. Despite being 10:30 am on a sunny Saturday, I was having a rough day, so many emotions so early in the day. My friend invited me to lunch. I’d have […]

My World Awakens

I’m sitting outside listening to the birds chirp their language of life and presence. Something about birds has always intrigued me. Possibly because my great-grandparents had several bird features and even a bird bath! Can you imagine being a kid and watching birds land on this statue-esque structure and clean […]

It’s the little things that mean the most.

I came home at 4:30pm smiling after a fairly easy day at work, full of laughter and good conversation with my coworkers. Yes – laughter and contentment at work – I am blessed! I walk into my cozy apartment that I have been keeping clean and organized and taking pride […]

The Identified Patient Extends to Immediate Family

My role as identified patient extends beyond my mother…apparently. I spoke up to my immediate family about recent mistreatment I received by my sister’s boyfriend. The result – they sided with him, and the whole thing became about my mental illness. I’m not getting help. But actually I am getting […]

The “F” Word

I’m talking Family. I’ve never quite felt like I belonged. My biological father left my life soon after I was born and joined the army. I didn’t see him for several years. “Why doesn’t he want me?” I remember crying out to my mother. I had a wallet sized picture […]

Kristin on Ketamine

About two weeks ago I began Ketamine IV therapy for treatment-resistant depression as well as for anxiety and suicidal ideation. Prior to treatment, I was thinking about killing myself every day. I had a plan, I had written my letters to friends and family, I just had to muster up […]

Oldie but Goodie: Counseling Avoidance

The following blog post was written in October 2018. I used to be an infamous canceler of counseling appointments. Infamous because of timing and repetition: always last-minute and approximately 3 out of 4 appointments. My previous counselor once told me, “I never knew if you were going to show up […]

Scroll to Top