As I grow sleepy from my nighttime medication, I felt the need to pick up a Nouwen book from my book collection, to get some sense of clarity from my current feelings of neglect, misunderstanding and guilt for my recent actions and thoughts. I chose Making All Things New.
Does it matter where these feelings originated? I think not, so I will not divulge. But I am experiencing not-so-pleasant feelings, which after reading just a few Nouwen passages, I find that this is part of the human condition.
He begins his book by talking about our Fulfillment and Non-fulfillment. Fulfillment isn’t positive, as he refers to it in this section. It is rather being fulfilled with worry, guilt and depression. Filled with everyday tasks, rushing from one thing to do to the next, but never really feeling that all of those “things” that fill our lives, actually fulfill us.
I am unfulfilled daily, by the second and the minute. Work has me insanely busy, moving from project to project while criticizing myself throughout the day. Worrying if I’m quick enough, intuitive enough, good enough. Worry. This is the focus of the first chapter in Nouwen’s book, Making All Things New.
I plan to continue reading this book tomorrow, and reflecting on the words I read. Until then, I won’t worry if someone reads this.
