I recently made 2 book purchases: one book is about project management to enhance my career skills, and one book is about Borderline parents, to enhance…well, me I suppose.
While reading the Foreword I was instantly engaged and memories were flooding through my head, negative and positive, with peace in knowing that needing to feel validated is okay, as the author says. The Foreword said to me, “this book will be a part of your journey to healing.” So on I read.
These insights all came from reading the Foreword of Surviving a Borderline Parent, written by Randi Kreger. The book as a whole was authored by Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman, PhD., LCSW.
Since you are reading this book, it’s likely that your borderline parent:
· Was so intent on getting her own needs met that she couldn’t take care of yours—or perhaps even differentiate her needs from yours
· Looked to you to provide him with unconditional love rather than the other way around
· Either emotionally abandoned you or smothered and controlled you, leading to feelings of worthlessness, shame, and rage
· Made you feel that she only loved you for what you could achieve, not who you were
· Had unpredictable moods, alternating between loving and cruel words and actions
Upon reading that, my heart was so very heavy with truth. Truth in knowing that what I experienced wasn’t normal, and truth in knowing that what I experienced didn’t make me abnormal.
Kreger continues:
You’ll gain insight into why you don’t feel normal—because our culture promotes the idea of unconditional parental love, and the love you received seemed to be inconsistent and conditional.
You’ll be able to understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable when people treat you well—because you’ve learned that it will be followed sooner or later, by disappointment and betrayal.
Now that last part reminded me of a time I cried and cried after receiving thoughtful Christmas gifts from my then boyfriend (now husband) and his mother.
I feel like I’ve come so far in my journey to healing; yes, a few hiccups here and there, but my life now has, as blessed from the One above, stability. Stability! A good (okay, damn good) job on a desirable career track, a husband, a home that is ours, sober days and nights, less drama and more thoughts about becoming a momma. I’ve had such desperate times, filled with hopelessness, darkness, thoughts of suicide, self-sabotaging the good things I had in my life. I just want those I’ve hurt or who witnessed this behavior from my small self could see me now, could understand the pain I was going through, the pain I held for decades. I was acting out of a terrible place, and I’m so very sorry for continuing the cycle of my childhood on others.
I can’t go back, and I can’t force forgiveness from others upon myself. I can only accept my faults and know who I truly am inside. I can only forgive myself.
It’s time to continue my reading of Surviving a Borderline Parent. On to the Preface…oh dear what will I find next?
