I did an online energy healing workshop yesterday hosted by Briana Borton, founder of The Dragontree (http://thedragontree.com/about/). Yes, yes, to some “energy healing” sounds hokey, and it sounded that way to me years ago. But I do believe we all hold an energy: the energy of our soul, of our beliefs about ourselves and others and life in general. Our thoughts, emotions and actions are all energy. And lawd I need healing in all of this and more…which is what led me to take the workshop.
My big ah-ha moment was when Briana was speaking about awareness of what we are feeling in our bodies, awareness of when we feel uncomfortable and icky because of some trigger. She said to keep our attention on what that feeling is and bring with us curiosity. Examine that feeling; don’t label it or put a name or reason to it. It’s all too common that we do the following (this includes me):
Experience Trigger → Shove Down Ickiness from Trigger → Ickiness Festers → Problem Evolves in Some Area of Our Lives
That is totally simplifying her wise description but hopefully you get the picture. Then she said, “Don’t minimize freedom in our lives by avoiding triggers.” And with that sentence another piece of my journey experienced clarity, and clarity always brings me healing.
My poor ol’ anxiety is just getting a smaller and smaller piece of my life as I learn and study and grow. My anxiety “protects” me from my triggers which all stem around fear. This protection is doing me a disservice because it is limiting my freedom, shrinking my world. I don’t have friends: fear of rejection and judgement. I have panic attacks before interviews: again, fear of rejection and judgement. My potential is being wasted on fear of something that may or may not even happen.
And what if I am rejected? What if I am actually judged, and judged harshly? Does that change who I am, who and how and why I was created by the highest power in the entire universe? I also realized that fear of failure does not equal failure. I’m just assuming because I feel something such as fear of a failed friendship that it will ultimately lead to a failed friendship.
Feelings are not facts and facts are not feelings.
I can feel afraid New Friend will reject me or judge me, and I can still go to lunch with New Friend instead of limiting my life to my lonely living room. And New Friend may love me! On the other hand, I may actually be judged negatively by New Friend. New Friend may judge me as a weird loser. The fact is I was judged. The fact is not what that judgement happened to be, in this case that I am a weird loser. I don’t need to feel like a weird loser, and I don’t need to fear further judgement by other potential new friends because of this one person’s opinion. I am invigorated to call someone up for coffee or brunch; like the Kool-Aid man, break down my walls.
My energy in my life feels expanded after yesterday’s workshop, truly. Optimism is running through my veins and it seems as if my anxiety is losing its life force as I take control.
Now that is freedom!