I was given the opportunity to contribute stories to be published in a book about PTSD, suicide prevention and overcoming trauma. Of course I didn’t hesitate to say, “Yes!” Until I started piecing together my personal stories.
I’ve been journaling semi-consistently for almost 10 years and I have never cried this hard while writing. Most difficult has been detailing the times I was at my most absolute low and no longer wanted to live. My childhood guilt has transformed into anger toward my mother for my unmet needs, her emotional absence and lack of consistent nurturing and compassion while I was growing up.
I considered telling the publisher I couldn’t finish this project because it’s just too hard, but I knew I would forever regret that decision. Plus this book is not being written for me. Sharing my experience, even if it helps just one person, is worth the pain I am reliving.