I actually forgot I had written my most recent blog post, you know the one about consistency and “we’ll see how long this lasts.” Well I hopped on my computer at 2:00 a.m. this morning because I couldn’t sleep because I took a stimulant medication at midnight. Why? My stimulant medication makes me feel good. I’m having trouble managing it, the medication that is. I haven’t told my doctor because he might cut it off, and I believe I have become addicted to it, if not chemically then psychologically.

I understand, for the most part, how important sleep is. It refreshes and resets your brain, making you ready for the next day. My midnight choice likely will affect me throughout the day with bouts of sleepiness and trouble concentrating. But I have a pill for that. Do you see the cycle?

Maybe this is why my antidepressants and antianxiety medications are not working. I’m not taking them correctly. Too much stimulant medication during the day makes it hard to sleep at night, so I’ll take an extra antianxiety pill that helps me sleep. This reminds me of Elvis. Didn’t he take uppers and downers?

I feel alone in this struggle, even if I’m not. Obviously with the billions of people in the world I’m not the only person having trouble adhering to my medication prescriptions. There’s warnings all over my bottles and the ten-page pamphlet I get with each prescription talking about the addictive side effects and chances for abuse. I just want to hear from someone who is going through this same struggle, to know I am not alone. And maybe to get some tips for how to manage my medication better.

Until then…

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