So I couldn’t sleep tonight…well yesterday to be exact. So I thought, “Let’s just get the day started. I can blog. I can craft. I can take my Vyvanse.” There. That’s it. The big one. Vyvanse.

As I sit here typing to whoever wants to read someone’s sleepless ramblings, this is where my mind starts going crazy. Did I really just want to take my medication that makes me feel good? Why do I want to feel good? Why do I not feel good? Am I excited about the day (Monday, really?)? WHAT AM I! Oh how I have asked this question over and over and over…..

Is anyone else struggling with their ADHD medication? Dumb question. It’s one of the most abused drugs out there. Because it makes you feel so good, good enough to blog at THREE IN THE MORNING.

I’ve been on Vyvanse for 12 +/- years. I didn’t struggle with it at first, until that one day, a few months after I began taking it when I took one extra pill. I felt on top of the world. Very similar to how I felt after taking adderall in college. So, every few days when I had an extra long day ahead of me, I’d pop an extra Vyvanse. We slowly increased the dose, I changed doctors and stopped abusing my medication. Until one day.

Vyvanse dose tops out at 70 mg. I was taking 200 mg or so with the extra pills I was taking. I felt like a zombie. That’s when I knew I had become addicted. One little task – “Gotta take an extra Vyvanse.” New work project – “Gotta take an extra Vyvanse.” This, of course, meant I ran out of pills early before I could refill my prescription. Then I’d have to suffer days without it. I could barely function.

Fast forward to another new doctor who is my current doctor. I began taking my medicine correctly. Until one day. I decided to pop that extra pill and so the story goes. About two years ago I ran out of my medicine early. I told my doctor what I had been doing. He said, “You broke the golden rule. I’m not prescribing you any early. You’ll have to go without.” SEVEN days. I was miserable. That meant seven times I abused my medication, so one week out of the month. After that, I took my medication as prescribed.

Until one day. A few days ago actually. I took two doses. So, to make up for it as to not run out early, I suffered through two days without taking any Vyvanse at all. I’ll have to do this practice a few more times because of other recent abuse of the medication.

And ya know what…the extra mg’s actually don’t do all that much. I’m not more productive, more creative, more anything. I just feel guilty because I know I’m doing something against my doctor’s orders and doing something that is likely affecting my mental health. But in the moment as I pop that extra dose, I think it will make me superwoman. When will I learn?

Well, I feel I have learned. After not taking it for two days, which I’ll have to do a few days more as to not run out early, I realize the medication, as prescribed, does help me. So, I’m no longer abusing the medication. Plus, HELLO KRISTIN, rely on your own will, your own inherent creativity and productivity to get shit done. The medication is supposed to supplement, not replace, what you can already do on your own.

I’m curious, has anyone else had issues managing their Vyvanse?

With joy,


Photo by Malvestida on Unsplash

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