It’s not all Vyvanse’s fault. I mismanaged my prescription today (i.e. took a second pill at 4 pm), but I had to do work. And I can only do work hyped up on Vyvanse. I don’t want the adderall anymore; it puts me in an aggressive mood and doesn’t do much for my focus anyway. But these medications are difficult to manage. We get uppers and then downers. I take colonopin at night. Of course I do! Why….because I’m taking Vyvanse. It feels often like a cycle I’ll never get out of, pills and prescriptions being what fuels me during the day and calms me at night. Is all of this back and forth good for me? Stressed during the day, calm at night until morning comes and I’m faced with another dreadful day. Yes! Lately my days have been feeling dreadful. I’m trying to combat the negative. I wrote positive affirmations on sticky notes and put them on my computer monitor so I will see them first thing in the morning. That’s one way I’m working to combat the negative.
The rest…I’m just flying by the seat of my pants taking life one day at a time. Even in my Dreambook, I schedule one day in advance. And I write what worked for me and what didn’t work for me and where I had trouble connecting with the planned schedule. I feel like there’s some sort of algorithm that takes me to my best self if I can only figure it out.
Until next time, when nighttime falls…K
