I’ve had some pep in my step the last few days. I’ve cleaned, organized…which are things I so do not do. But the husband and I talked about children the other night, a talk that left me crying, but in the days following brought some light into the subject. He wants to see more of an effort from me. I pretty much hadn’t been doing anything. No cooking, which is nothing new. But the no cleaning and clothes everywhere…I think he finally got a little fed up. He just wants to see me trying, because how will I handle these things when a child comes. I thought his words were mean, but they are just a tad bit true.
I’m not acting responsible. I often (okay always) pick clothes up off the ground, throw them in the dryer to take out the wrinkles, then wear them. To work. It’s not that I don’t have the time. It’s that I don’t have the energy, the will, the desire. I cleaned out the library closet yesterday, which was a huge undertaking. I lifted all the heavy boxes myself and organized it so you can actually walk through it. I also purged some items that I forgot I even had. I figured if I had gone this long not even remembering I had it, I probably didn’t need it.
I bought two bookshelves from Target, one of which arrived just a few days ago. The husband hung it up and I quickly decorated it with books and a few accent pieces. The library is my santuary. It still needs furniture, but I just go in there and sit on the floor and read or magascrap or make my frames. We are doing some furniture shopping today, and as I type this post, I am in full hair and makeup with a cute outfit on. What has gotten into me!
Maybe like the husband, I got a little fed up, too. Not doing anything can be extremely exhausting. I’m just starting to care more, to love myself more and to appreciate what I have more. I don’t know if it’s my reading of Surviving a Borderline Parent that is bringing me some healing energy, but whatever it is, I’m liking it. I just pray it doesn’t go away. The thing is, unlike times in the past, I’m not doing everything 100% perfect and taking care of every last out-of-place item. I’m doing a little at a time, which is manageable. I’m reminded of the Fly Lady, who gives great tips on organizing and cleaning and clearing space in your home bit by bit.
And I suppose that’s the motto I’m adopting as of today: Bit by Bit. I can do bit by bit.
Photo by Jeff Sheldon on Unsplash
