This is what life with bipolar looks like – it can be structured, planned, intentional…but still the array of emotions I feel each day can be overwhelming. On top of work, daily duties, being a wife, working to be a better wife, working to be a better person. Overwhelming is a gently word to explain how I feel sometimes. Sometimes often.
The Imperfect Post Keep Reading
The words my mother-in-law said to me after she asked, “Do you want the truth or do you want me to sugar coat it?” Of course I said, “The truth.” “Your family is not speaking to you. They just aren’t. You’ve got to move on from that.” “I wouldn’t want
You’ve done the work. It’s time to move on from it. Keep Reading
Dermot Kennedy’s songs came up twice in last weekend’s Writespace workshop, which was about connecting your writing to sounds. And, I signed up for the workshop with Dermot Kennedy on my mind because I am so, very moved by his music and I am always super inspired to write when
An Evening I Will Not Forget Keep Reading
I’m really doubting myself right now. Doubting my abilities as a writer, as an employee, a wife. I feel like I don’t have much to offer. I don’t know why these people keep me in their lives — maybe they feel bad for me and know I’d be alone without
Doubt is a Mother Keep Reading
I’ve shared a lot about my mental health challenges which do stem from my childhood and how my mother raised and treated me. I’ve written about my absent biological father which also lends to my mental health challenges. And while mental health is a journey of its own, I want
So, what is The Daughter Journey? Keep Reading
It’s midnight and I can’t sleep. I have a lot on my mind and drugs (prescribed) in my body so I’m just going to ramble. Not every post has to be eloquent, right? My sister is getting married to a man she’s only known 6 months and who has a
Midnight Type: Truths and Troubles Keep Reading
I was instantly engaged and memories were flooding through my head, negative and positive, with peace in knowing that needing to feel validated is okay, as the author says. The Foreword said to me, “this book will be a part of your journey to healing.” So on I read.
Another Borderline Book Keep Reading
My role as identified patient extends beyond my mother…apparently. I spoke up to my immediate family about recent mistreatment I received by my sister’s boyfriend. The result – they sided with him, and the whole thing became about my mental illness. I’m not getting help. But actually I am getting
The Identified Patient Extends to Immediate Family Keep Reading
So my mother, whether rightfully or unrightfully so, gets the blame for my childhood and adulthood challenges. Well, I had a slap-in-the-face epiphany yesterday when I saw a current day photo of my biological father. He looked frail, like a grandpa. And he is a grandpa. There was a picture
Dear Kristin, Congratulations on graduating from Texas Tech. I’m sorry I wasn’t there; I should have been. Here’s the deal. I was a shitty mother. I was mean to you. I was sweet to you, too, which probably made things confusing. I let my own issues affect how I parented
The Letter I Wish My Mother Wrote Me Keep Reading
While reading Surviving a Borderline Parent by Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman, PH.D., LCSW, I came across tidbits of information regarding traits, characteristics, behaviors, emotions, etc. of adult children of parents with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I’d like to share. “…sons and daughters may feel like they can’t live life independently
Adult Children of Parents with BPD Keep Reading
…in the blogging world. …in the job search world. …in the Christian world (which is not of the world) …in the “You’re a 40 year old woman with a dog and a husband in suburbia USA” world. Aaah. And there it is. Why do I think this post is probably
This post is probably a “no-no” Keep Reading
I’m talking Family. I’ve never quite felt like I belonged. My biological father left my life soon after I was born and joined the army. I didn’t see him for several years. “Why doesn’t he want me?” I remember crying out to my mother. I had a wallet sized picture
I just want to float away. It seems too easy to be that easy – you can just leave all the pain behind and no longer be in pain even though you’ve floated away from everyone who loves you?
Giving up things of the world Keep Reading
I’m wondering if I’m doing myself (and you) a disservice by posting daily. I don’t feel like I’m giving you a whole lot of substance to keep you interested in reading. I’m also afraid that if I don’t blog everyday that I’ll go back into writing hibernation where I wasn’t
This Journey I’m On Keep Reading
I’m on a journey. I guess you could call it a daughter journey. Some days I forget that I’m a daughter (I also have no contact with my biological father). Yes, I have supportive people in my life like my mother-in-law, the man I call my dad who helped raised
There’s just something about her Keep Reading
“Let me know, let me know when I’ve got room to run” – Dermot Kennedy I’m very much moved by music. I easily cry during my favorite songs. And my favorite artist is singer-songwriter Dermot Kennedy. I listen to him a lot. Therefore, I cry a lot. His music makes
Currently close to 2:30 a.m. I’m sitting outside, with my laptop of course, and I’m just enjoying the night. While listening to Dermot Kennedy. I actually feel a sense of joy, which I haven’t felt in awhile. I couldn’t sleep and I had some work to do so I said,
Mental Health Woes and Wanderings Keep Reading
During a search for support groups for daughters of borderline or emotionally absent mothers, I came across Motherless Daughters Ministry. As I read through their website, I thought, “This is exactly what I’m looking for. I need this.” Then I saw it – the ministry’s address – Ohio. Ohio! Really?
The Emotionally Absent Mother Class Keep Reading
My manuscript is currently pages of memories and insights. No order, just what I am remembering during the moments I write. I read that writers should not get too caught up or worried about “form,” because eventually paragraphs and pages will begin falling into place and one’s writing will begin
The Brief: How I Survived Childhood Keep Reading
I finished House Rules tonight, underlining and scribbling notes in the margins because I couldn’t find my highlighter. I saw my family members in hers, Rachel the author. My mother was a key player, of course. But I was surprised how she took the role of both the father and
Rules to be Written Keep Reading
My reading of Surviving a Borderline Parent by Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman, PH.D., LCSW has continued. Here are excerpts I connected with. Ongoing or frequent feelings of being hollow, empty, or fake. “Lacking a strong core, a sense of self they can trust, they feel out of control
I have these fears about my mother, irrational maybe, but based on her past behavior nothing would surprise me anymore. Actually, I think she could still surprise me with what that woman is capable of doing and saying. What if she gets a hold of my writing and starts a
Wandering through the Woes Keep Reading
I had a revelation in a counseling session a couple weeks ago. For the first time, my counselor did the EMDR method. It was odd at first but I enjoyed it. She gave me a week to think of a very painful event in my life. In all honesty, I
“May God have mercy on your soul,” my mother said. The bee sting is over. I’ve come to peace with her words. Like a Borderline, she projects. So, maybe she is actually saying may God have mercy on her soul. Just maybe. All this Borderline talk has me feeling a
And this too shall pass Keep Reading
These are the words my mother left me with after finding me on Etsy. ETSY! How she found me can only be due to her stalker-rific online behavior. First, she messaged me on Etsy a few times asking about my artwork and if I can customize. I didn’t realize it
May God Have Mercy on Your Soul Keep Reading
I’ve done a bit more reading of Surviving a Borderline Parent by Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman , PH.D., LCSW. My last two readings were very interesting. The first of the two seemed like smooth sailing when I began. But I started to feel irritated and a little angry.
Wow. How much personal work I have done! I am reading my hand-written journaling from 2011, and I did much writing during that year. And understandable so. I had moved in with my now fiance and the plan was for me to be a “house-girlfriend.” That was until we added
Revisiting the Past for a Better Future Keep Reading
Writing a Memoir 101, a workshop I’m taking, is helping to strengthen my confidence as a writer and why I am worth reading. The book emphasizes the importance of reading: you cannot be a good author and tell the story you want to tell without being an avid reader. The
My Mother and Domestic Violence Keep Reading
But there she was, coming up to hug me, showering me with superficial comments about how long my hair is and how good I look. And there she was, asking me questions that I didn’t want to answer — “Where are you living?” “Where are you working?” “I don’t even
Bridal Shower Boundaries Keep Reading
“You are just like mom!” my or-so-I-thought-confidante sister yells at me. Says the girl screaming at me because I said she was stressing me out by something she was saying. I don’t even remember what it was about. This same girl, the day before, stormed off from Auntie Anne’s in
Pretzels Before Pain Keep Reading