It’s getting really tiring having these discoveries hit me again and again. I am in the season of new beginnings, new blessings, forgiving myself – forgiveness I’m unsure if I’ll ever be able to do. I’m such a shame there’s no way to even come close to forgiveness. What an awful way to think about anyone, primarily yourself. Why is my inner voice so negative; my inner critic so loud. Where do I find silence? I think that’s the real question I need to be asking. Find silence. Writing brings silence. Prayer brings silence. Sobriety brings silence. Now that I’ve identified how to silence my inner critic, it’s time to act in accordance with the blessings around me.
Continue Along My Journey
Writer’s Block < Inner Voice of Love
I’m dangerously close to the deadline of submitting my stories for the PTSD/Suicide Prevention book. I’ve always been a procrastinator, and some of my best work has come when I was down to the wire. I decided I’d pick up…
Pretzels Before Pain
“You are just like mom!” my or-so-I-thought-confidante sister yells at me. Says the girl screaming at me because I said she was stressing me out by something she was saying. I don’t even remember what it was about. This same…
Depression Disguised/Disguised Depression
It’s true, I am healing from consequences I experienced due to my choices as an adult. I’m not blaming everything on my childhood. A lot of my behavior was a result of the environment I grew up in, and I…
Great-Grandparents: My Saving Grace
Knowing I would see Mam-ma and Pap-pa saved me from completely drowning in the trauma surrounding me. They provided me with a refuge away from my chaotic home life, a safe place where I could be a care-free child without…
The Voice of Forgiveness
I recently listened to a guided meditation. There was one meditative point I have not been able to get out of my head. “Whatever you feel, if it brings you to a place – 5-years-old, 20-years-old, wherever you go, tell…
You are always enough.
I bought a journal off of Amazon with these words. My counselor and I are working on this concept – I’m good enough where I am. Sure, I could be better, healthier, skinnier. But that doesn’t make me good. I…
May God Have Mercy on Your Soul
These are the words my mother left me with after finding me on Etsy. ETSY! How she found me can only be due to her stalker-rific online behavior. First, she messaged me on Etsy a few times asking about my…
Gratitude Season
It’s gratitude season for me. I have been recognizing all that I am blessed with and how, no matter how severe my depression and challenging motherless daughter journey gets, I have so.many.blessings. And what is wonderful about this realization is…
Belonging
It’s the grown-up things that scare me the most. Keeping up a house, being a wife, getting out of bed in the mornings. All are on the same scale of “how the hell am I going to do this today?”…
On the journey of med adherence
I’ve been trying to find a way to say without saying that I have a problem taking prescription drugs as prescribed. I overtake the uppers to try and feel the least bit of relief from my depression and then overtake…
The Emotionally Absent Mother Class
During a search for support groups for daughters of borderline or emotionally absent mothers, I came across Motherless Daughters Ministry. As I read through their website, I thought, “This is exactly what I’m looking for. I need this.” Then I…
RandomRamblings
This post isn’t going to really serve the purpose of much of anything. It’s literally random ramblings I’m having post-EAM class. It is Thursday after all, thus I have the Emotionally Absent Mother class which wrapped up about 45 minutes…
Sunrise
My Instagram feed told me that Michelle Obama just turned 57. Some may say she’s at the peak of her life. Her beauty, inside and out, is so apparent. And she is beautiful. She is America. Then I got to…
The Other Scarlet Letter
A. A for abortion. This post is about abortion. So, if that is a topic that offends you or you feel strongly about, I’m telling you now: reading my personal opinion may ignite something inside of you. And to an…
Mental Health Woes and Wanderings
Currently close to 2:30 a.m. I’m sitting outside, with my laptop of course, and I’m just enjoying the night. While listening to Dermot Kennedy. I actually feel a sense of joy, which I haven’t felt in awhile. I couldn’t sleep…
My World Awakens
I’m sitting outside listening to the birds chirp their language of life and presence. Something about birds has always intrigued me. Possibly because my great-grandparents had several bird features and even a bird bath! Can you imagine being a kid…
Winter in Spring
“Feels like winter follows you around.” There’s a song by Dermot Kennedy and that is a line in one of his songs. I relate to that lyric so much. Like that Peanuts character who was always getting rained on, or…
108 Day Journey
“Let me know, let me know when I’ve got room to run” – Dermot Kennedy I’m very much moved by music. I easily cry during my favorite songs. And my favorite artist is singer-songwriter Dermot Kennedy. I listen to him…
Day 1/Day 18
I am on the 18th day of Rituals for Transformation (RFT) but this is the first day of my “blog everyday” promise. It’s a promise to me as much as it’s a promise to you. It also just makes sense.…
There’s just something about her
I’m on a journey. I guess you could call it a daughter journey. Some days I forget that I’m a daughter (I also have no contact with my biological father). Yes, I have supportive people in my life like my…